Lately I get bogged down reading articles about the horrors of the past and present. My fianceé is trans and we are both neurodivergent as well. Everyday we face the reality of navigating a world that wasn't built for us. But throughout our relationship she has encouraged me to find my own passions, and to appreciate the little things even during the hardest times we have faced. She genuinely cares about and supports my authentic self in ways that I didn't know were possible. There is an incredible light and strength in her that she does not always recognize or connect with because of her past. I know that she has a very deep connection to her anger and shame in ways that are different from my own. As an intensely introspective person, I have learned a lesson that personal growth is not something that can be easily explained or forced upon someone. I've also learned that encouraging mutual growth, honesty, and accountability is a lot less stressful than simply waiting for someone to change. Even when we struggle to understand one another, I know at the end of the day we both want to feel safe, supported, and happy. I consider myself extremely lucky to share my life with such a beautiful, unique, and fiercely strong woman, who is capable of much more than she can see right now. Reading this post was a beautiful realization that through it all, the future of joy and belonging we've been dreaming of is still in our hands.
Thank you so much for this article! Often times in my own trans community (in the past), I've felt like I've had to dull down my joy because everyone was either so frightened or angry. For me, it is a balance in equanimity; finding ways to feel both the anger and/or the fear while also having an open enough heart to continue experiencing joy and thriving, and there is SO MUCH JOY in this life and world to experience! We are WORTH IT! We are WORTH thriving, not just "getting by". Love, love, love.
Thank you for this!! Perfect timing as I'm teaching a course for therapists on how to provide meaningful care to trans folks under this oppressive regime. Adding this to the syllabus
I love this post and appreciate the heck out of your newsletter! After being consumed by the fear in 2025, I have embraced logging off more often and focusing on my joy this year. I also have an incredible partner who loves me for everything I am. We met just before the 2024 election and have been each other's rock through everything that's happened since. I know that as long as I have him, I am safe. I am okay. And he will be safe and okay because of me, too. And my gay men's choir is a sanctuary that also becomes a protective shield.
Joy is exactly what they want to take away from us, and it's one of the few things they can't completely take away.
Joy has no value to oppressors and that is exactly why it matters so much right now.
The depth of the human experience is so much more than survival mode and Maslow’s hierarchy. We need systems that inspire the fullness of what we can be, not just the bare minimum of what we can endure. Trans joy and trans pain are not a binary. They are both part of the whole living thing.
As a nonbinary person I feel this. The ungovernable parts of existence, the ones that don’t fit a headline or a product or a political moment, those are the parts worth protecting most.
Lately I get bogged down reading articles about the horrors of the past and present. My fianceé is trans and we are both neurodivergent as well. Everyday we face the reality of navigating a world that wasn't built for us. But throughout our relationship she has encouraged me to find my own passions, and to appreciate the little things even during the hardest times we have faced. She genuinely cares about and supports my authentic self in ways that I didn't know were possible. There is an incredible light and strength in her that she does not always recognize or connect with because of her past. I know that she has a very deep connection to her anger and shame in ways that are different from my own. As an intensely introspective person, I have learned a lesson that personal growth is not something that can be easily explained or forced upon someone. I've also learned that encouraging mutual growth, honesty, and accountability is a lot less stressful than simply waiting for someone to change. Even when we struggle to understand one another, I know at the end of the day we both want to feel safe, supported, and happy. I consider myself extremely lucky to share my life with such a beautiful, unique, and fiercely strong woman, who is capable of much more than she can see right now. Reading this post was a beautiful realization that through it all, the future of joy and belonging we've been dreaming of is still in our hands.
love this!
Thank you so much for this article! Often times in my own trans community (in the past), I've felt like I've had to dull down my joy because everyone was either so frightened or angry. For me, it is a balance in equanimity; finding ways to feel both the anger and/or the fear while also having an open enough heart to continue experiencing joy and thriving, and there is SO MUCH JOY in this life and world to experience! We are WORTH IT! We are WORTH thriving, not just "getting by". Love, love, love.
exactly!
Thank you for this!! Perfect timing as I'm teaching a course for therapists on how to provide meaningful care to trans folks under this oppressive regime. Adding this to the syllabus
ayy I appreciate you!
I love this post and appreciate the heck out of your newsletter! After being consumed by the fear in 2025, I have embraced logging off more often and focusing on my joy this year. I also have an incredible partner who loves me for everything I am. We met just before the 2024 election and have been each other's rock through everything that's happened since. I know that as long as I have him, I am safe. I am okay. And he will be safe and okay because of me, too. And my gay men's choir is a sanctuary that also becomes a protective shield.
Joy is exactly what they want to take away from us, and it's one of the few things they can't completely take away.
‼️so true. ty
Joy has no value to oppressors and that is exactly why it matters so much right now.
The depth of the human experience is so much more than survival mode and Maslow’s hierarchy. We need systems that inspire the fullness of what we can be, not just the bare minimum of what we can endure. Trans joy and trans pain are not a binary. They are both part of the whole living thing.
As a nonbinary person I feel this. The ungovernable parts of existence, the ones that don’t fit a headline or a product or a political moment, those are the parts worth protecting most.